Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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