I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
