She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
