We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
