I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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