That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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