I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
