She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
