So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
