you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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