I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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