WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
