Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
