woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
