he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm really busy with my period
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