Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
