last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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