Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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