I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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