It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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