What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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