Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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