Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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