my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
