I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
