When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sober January is a disaster.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
