Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's Friday. Sex?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
