Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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