Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
