I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
