just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
two words...techno handjob
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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