I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
