you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
