I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
