I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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