Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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