I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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