omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
