Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize