I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
