I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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