I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
