Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
