RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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