Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They are going to name an STD after you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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