i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is wine microwaveable?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
