guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is Oprah even human
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
