plz talk dirty to me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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