Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
