I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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