They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
