im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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