This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
