It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
