GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
