If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
