i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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