I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
