im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
