woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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