i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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