I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
