good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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