I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
