I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
