I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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