hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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