I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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